By the Lake
by thatdamfangirl23
Summary: Merlin will always stand by the lake, even as his body is elsewhere. A short one shot based on Drift Away from Steven Universe: the Movie because I needed to write some angst.


****I thought I'd never write anything but crack/ humour for this fandom, but apparently I was wrong. I was listening to Drift Away from Steven Universe: the Movie and I was struck by how similar Spinel is to Merlin, in that they are both forced to wait thousands of years for one person who they care about more than anyone. Anyway, this made me want to write an angst filled one shot so here it is.  
Disclaimer: Merlin is owned by the BBC and Steven Universe and the song 'Drift Away' are owned by Rebecca Sugar.****

He watches him go, watches him drift away as the boat takes him off across the lake. He whispers a spell and the boat goes up in flames. It's the flames that make merlin realise it; he's really gone. He's left him. He's all alone.

Merlin has never been alone before. He's always had someone to comfort him in times of need. Gaius, Gwen, even Morgana in those simple times when they were young and innocent and carefree. Back when he didn't have to put on his mask every day when he woke.

The mask has been a necessity these past few years. He needs it, depends on it. People can't see just how broken he is underneath.

He is broken. He knows that for certain. He's just lost too many people in his short life. Killed too many people. It's almost laughable.

Merlin can't remember the last time he laughed.

He stands silently watching as the boat sails out of sight into the mist that hangs over Avalon. After coming everywhere with Arthur, it's the one place Merlin can never follow.

When it is gone and Merlin is sure there is no one to see him, he sinks down on his knees and he cries. He cries for Arthur and Albion. He cries for Morgana, staring down at her blood still staining his hands. He cries for Gwaine – he can feel him; he's no longer there. Merlin sobs for what feels like hours until his eyes are red and his skin is raw. He has no tears left by the end.

He stands up solemnly and he feels the mask slip back into place. The smile that he forces onto his face and the coldness that vanishes from his eyes. The mask walks away, but he stands still where he is. He stands alone for thousands of years even as his body wanders through life, first Queen Guinevere's court sorcerer and then the advisor of king after king until he grows tired of the courts and recognises that things are changing. Magic is slowly fizzling out of existence and he is a legend, a myth. Arthur is just a story.

Still he stands by the lake.

Sometime, about fifteen hundred years since the battle, he moves back to the lake. Where he has stood all this time. His body joins his soul at Avalon, but he is still unable to cross. He will not be able to cross until Arthur returns and he doesn't think he ever will.

He hasn't given up hope; that's what he tells himself every day. __It will be today__.

It is never today.

It is never tomorrow.

It is never.

He stands by the lake, ever waiting and ever watching.

There are stories about him in the village that has been built. Some say he is an old man who has been there forever. Others swear he's a fairy or a wizard. Some people have seen him as a young boy and some have seen him as the world knows him – long white hair and beard, wrinkled, ancient. He's not entirely sure which he wants to be.

Sometimes the children of the village will venture up to his house as a dare. He always makes sure to shoo them away or completely ignore them. He must continue to watch. Continue to wait.

Generations pass and still Arthur shows no sign. The children who scampered up to his cottage are dead now and their great grandchildren play instead.

Still Merlin stands by the lake.

One day, he wakes up and decides that he has given up. It's not a conscious decision by any means, but it is on this day that he wrenches his feet from the spot he has stood in for thousands of years and stumbles away from the shore. He needs to sleep. He needs to rest.

He doesn't see the ripples in the water and he doesn't hear the cries of his name as a head of wet blonde hair emerges and washes up spluttering onto the lake bed.

He hears nothing. He sees nothing. He is nothing.

****I made myself cry with that. Also, the Steven Universe movie was just absolutely incredible! I could go into a full on rant about the wonderful animation, the way they handled Spinel's abandonment and so much more, but I won't because author's notes are annoying. Anyway, hope you liked this little thing. ****


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